Support, support and more support.

Way back when there were no electric lights and transportation consisted of a cart pulled by an animal, there was a strange concept about a village. We no longer think of villages unless we think of some remote place away from civilization. The demise of the village from our lives takes with it so much more than just a small group of people.In modern day, our village consists of our own nuclear family with perhaps a small portion of elected extended family members subject of course to approval.  We have lost the benefits of having a village. The support that goes with it is also lost. The related experiences that are told in the form of folklore or myth that assist in making sense of what is happening in our lives has become some gift that few can tell. This is a dear price to pay indeed and I’m not just talking about birthing mothers. We all suffer from this loss.An interesting note is how in little villages, which provide support in all areas of life, there is less crime. Each person knows his neighbour and interacts with him on a daily basis. This is probably true for all the members of the village; everyone would know everyone else whereas today in our mega-metropolis we seldom know our neighbours let alone those in the complex where we live. So where do we find our support?Tough one. Even if you have a large group of friends you will be hard pressed to find a buddy that would support you in the deepest, darkest moments of your life. It would be a true friend that would be with you as you flounder in the sea of bankruptcy or something equally trying. The same is true when it comes to providing support after you have birthed your precious child. I don’t see many friends cueing up to provide shopping assistance for the new family or laundry services. What about cleaning? We all just assume that everyone has a maid. Not true. There are still those that clean up after themselves and do their own laundry and ironing.Having a baby should be a community affair. People should all be supporting and encouraging these new parents-to-be. Support before the baby is born can be provided in many ways.
Here are some tips how to help someone you know is having a baby:

• Provide accurate and positive information about birth and parenthood (no birth horrors, please)
• List things that were truly useful for you if you’ve had a baby. There is so much that really isn’t needed.
• Invite the couple out once in a while to still enjoy activities such as eating out at a restaurant, going to a movie etc.
• Prepare meals that can be frozen so that the mom-to-be can just take them out of the freezer when she is having a slow day. (Pregnant women have some really low days where everything seems too big an effort).
• Celebrate the mother’s journey into motherhood with a Blessingway instead of a baby shower. Presents are showered on the mother in honour of her transition in this rite of passage.
• Do not call her three times a day to ask her if she has had the baby yet. The new parents will be the first to let everyone know when the baby is born. Have faith in this, it has worked every time.
• Avoid asking her if she has popped yet. She is not a pimple but a human giving birth to her baby.

 Support for during labour:

• Light a prayer candle in honour of her journey.
• Sms or call another person she knows to let them know that labour has begun and that they should light a candle foe her and call someone else to do the same.
• Prepare more meals for the new family so that they can babymoon for a week or two after their precious baby has arrived and not worry about cooking.
• Do not call for updates; no-one will be answering anyway.
• Buy a newspaper of the day the baby was born as a sweet memory of what was happening in the world that day.

Tips for after the birth:

• Volunteer to take care of some aspect of daily life, i.e. cleaning, laundry, shopping, babysitting older children etc.
• Prepare a baby welcoming ceremony to give presents to baby this time. Now everyone will be sure whether it is a boy or girl.
• Do not ask what you can do for them, just do it. They will never want to bother you but if you spontaneously rock up at the door with a casserole you can bet your boots that they won’t turn you away.
• Do not forget them as the months go by. They may have their hands full and not get a chance to go out. Organise a trip to the movies for them in the morning when there is less likelihood of a baby crying interrupting others viewing pleasure otherwise it will be years before they go to the movies again.

Of course support can be extending to the actual birth itself. A doula is an amazing support for both mom and dads in labour. Consider paying for a doula as a blessingway present.Now, as it was probably never said, go out and be supportive.